a bit about myself.....woman, 61, recovering addict, working to recreate myself and my world.
jersey-born and raised, currently living in northeast pennsylvania, where life is more affordable than my home state. two children living in the same county, and one a few counties away. two grandchildren and a foster-granddaughter.
i live alone with my chihuahua, peanut. we call her nut. oh, and four birds, too. little guys, two cockatiels and two parakeets. the larger ones are named bill and dr. bob, after the co-founders of alcoholics anonymous. the two smaller guys are slow and steady.
my journey of recovery has been very spotty, having had my first rehab experience in 1987. upon release, i went home and tried this process. i poured alcohol down the drain, i attended my first narcotics anonymous meeting, and my married lover of four years broke up with me. he stuck by me throughout my treatment, visited as often as he was allowed, and seemed supportive. alas, it was not to be. devastated and broken-hearted, it wasn't long until i picked up again. back then, my drug of choice was cocaine. i had a few men who were willing to supply me. it needs to be said that the only reason for the coke was that it was available. i used anything that was within easy reach, and, over time, anything that was not within easy reach.
my journey of using started when i was about twelve years old. one of my brothers suffered from juvenile epilepsy, and was prescribed phenobarbital. that was my first theft of a medicine cabinet, with many, many, more to follow. i have no idea how i knew that this was a substance that could alter my reality, but i did. soon after, i tried pot with my first boyfriend, jimmy.
he had found some weed in his sister's drawer, and helped himself to some. he brought three joints, and we headed out into the woods. the ground was snow-covered, and we sat on a log and proceeded to smoke. the marijuana was rolled in strawberry rolling papers, and tasted so good. he told me to inhale as deeply as i could, and to hold it in as long as i could. three cigarettes later, i felt a new freedom and exhilaration. never had i felt so damn good. i felt i had arrived at some mystical, magical, point in my life that i never wanted to depart from. it turned out to be a major turning in my life, and from then on, my only desire was to re-experience that feeling of being able to breath free.
after the smoking was done, he felt my budding breasts, and this, too, was a new feeling of adulthood and wonder. i already possessed rock and roll, and now i had added sex and drugs to the mix. for the first time ever, i felt alive, truly alive. my life, up to that time, had been repressive and oppressive, and i had just been itching to break out of the prison i thought i had lived in.
